“The Upsherin” Frequently Asked Shaylos

Rabbi Ya’akov Trump

What is the Mitzvah? Idea 1: The Mitzva of. Pe’os HaRosh Shaarei Teshuva OC 531:sk7: One can wait till Chol Hamoed to do an upsherin of one’s child to elevate the simcha. It is in order to bring him into the simcha of mitzvah of keeping the mitzvah of Pe’os HaRosh. He quotes those who would go to the grave of Rashbi on Lag Baomer to do this, like the Arizal.

Idea 2: Beginning to learn how to read and learn Torah Teshuvos Vehanhagos 146: At 3 years old, it is the first time he starts to really speak and be able to say the Brachos properly. We celebrate that. Vilna Gaon: It is the time one can start teaching them Alef Beis, to be able to start their journey in Limud HaTorah.

Parallel to the fruit tree that for the first three years really does not produce proper fruit,

but the 4^th year, we take the first sweet fruit and make it holy.

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When should one make the date? Arugas Habosem OC 210: Should be specifically the date the boy turns 3. Chazon Ish: Best not to do it early. During the 3 weeks, one can still do it unless it is in the Shavua shechal bo. On Rosh Chodesh, one pushes it to the next day. On Chol Hamoed, one may make an upsherin.

What kind of party should I be making? It is important that this become an exciting and enjoyable milestone in one’s sons life. It should be something special that when he remembers this step it should be with happiness. In lieu of that, it is good to invite guests, to have music and to have good food and candy for the children.

What else happens at the party? Before cutting the hair, there is a custom for the young boy to sit with his Rebbe and go through the alef beis. Some have a laminated card with the aleph beis and the child dips a lollipop on honey on each letter upon reading it. (if the young boy cannot do the whole aleph beis, it is good to try for the letters aleph, mem, taf - emes) The custom is for the child to read/sing the whole aleph beis and then say the pesukim: Devarim 33:4

ֹֽקֹֽקב׃עֲֲית ַַהִִקה ְר ֹמ ה מֹוֹו ָָ^וה־ נ ^ּוָּצֹוֹו ה ִִתּלַַּ֥֥שָָׁ֖֖שֶׁ֑לָ֖רָ֥ Bereishis 48:16

ברֶבּב ְל ָ^וּדִי ְְוק ְצִי ְום ְרָָבְאֹב י ַַאם ֲוי ְשׁ ְהֶבא ָקִּי ָוי ְרִעָנְּהת־ ַאֵר ֶבָיל־ ע ְכָָּמג ל ֹא י ִֹֹּה ַאָלְמַּהַקֶ֥ רֹ֖גּ֥חָָ֑֑הָ֣תַ֖ שֵׁ֥מִ֔ ם֙ רֵ֤ ם֒ךְְ֮֮רָ֗תִ֜ אֵ֨ךְ֩ ץ׃רא ֶָֽהָ

Devarim 6:4

חד׃ָֽא ה׳ ֶ^וֹלקינ ^ּאל ה׳ ֱרָָשׂע ִי ְשְׁ אֵ֑מַ֖

Vayikra 1:1

קְיִּוַרָ֖א

ל מֹוֹו ד ֵלא ֹֽמר׃הֶ ר ה׳ ֵא יו ֵמדַיְול־ ֹמ ה ַא ֶ עֵ֖ אֹ֥לָ֔ בֵּ֤שֶׁ֑

.יתִרָָזְְעֶבּי ְדַּשֵׁאל ַוי, ְתִנָ^ומ ^ּאֵהא ֱתּה ְרֹוֹו ָָתּ

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He should get a candy after each or all of the pesukim as incentivization. It is also customary to have honey cake for the young boy after completing the pesukim.

What about the yarmulka and tzitzis? This is the perfect opportunity to build up the importance of covering one’s head with a yarmulka. Because it is the first haircut, this is the time this can be started. Take the time to go shopping before to let the young man choose his own one and make him feel empowered to own this mitzva. The minhag is to only allow a young boy to wear tzitzis once he is potty trained and 3 years old. Making this the special day he gets to start wearing them, adds to the simcha.

Who should cut the hair? The minhag is to have gedolei Torah and tzadikim cut the hair. One can invite relatives to cut the hair.

Where does one start cutting? One starts using a scissors and cutting the hair where the tefillin will go. One should be careful they do not cut the areas of the pe’os harosh. Star K

The minhag is to have a Jewish barber finish the job afterwards.

What do I do after the haircut? One cuts hair or has haircut, washes their hands netilas yadaim.

What should I do with the hair? Bishvilei Haparsha, Rav Elyakum Dvorkes: Some have the minhag to weigh the hair and give the value in silver to Tzedaka. One should collect the hair afterwards and it can be disposed of respectfully.

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