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The Chuppa

Crash Course of the Jewish Lifecycle

One really wants to be present for this incredible moment of joy. To do that, it is important to learn more about what is involved.

Why does the bride wear white?

The minhag is for the bride to be in white and the groom to wear a kittel. One reason for this is to symbolize purity at this time of transition.

Why does the groom wear a kittel?

One idea in this is the idea of purity. Another idea is remembering the day of death to make them think carefully about this important time.[1]

Why does there need to be a chuppa?

The first stage of marriage is called ‘kiddushin.’ That is the betrothal and that is accomplished by the groom presenting an item of value to the bride.

The next stage is called ‘nisuim’ which is the completion of the marriage ceremony. This has 3 expressions at our weddings, each expressing ad aspect of intimacy that only a couple who are married would do together.[2]

  1. The groom lowering the veil over the face of the bride, what we call the bedekken. This is a reflection of one of the husband’s responsibilities to his wife – to cloth her.[3]

Because of this, some have the custom for people to hold a veil or sheet over the couple[4], or for the groom to spread his new talis over the two of them.[5]

  1. The groom and bride standing together in their own house, under their own canopy.
  2. The groom and bride secluding themselves in a locked chamber, something they were not allowed to do before they were married.[6]

It is the middle stage which is reflected in the chuppa. That is one reason the chuppa should be outside, so it is its own house.

What does a chuppa need to look like?

It is described as a cloth held up above the heads of the couple. It accomplishes both being the house for them and also the shared garment. Ashkenazim and many Sephardim use poles Some Sephardim only use their hands to hold it up.

It is also like the house of Avraham and Sarah, open on all 4 sides and the model of their home should be.

Who walks the aisle first?

The minhag is for the groom to walk the aisle first and then the bride. It is set up in that way so that he is welcoming her to his house, as part of the nissuim.[7]

This also follows the pattern of creation – Adam created first, Chava second and Hashem bringing her to him.[8]

Who accompanies them?

The minhag is for each of them to be accompanied down the aisle.[9]

In many circles it is the father and mother escorting each of their children.[10] This replicates the angels accompanying Adam to the chuppa when he got married.[11] If a parent is not present to escort, the remaining parent should escort but there should also be a couple escorting them. In some circles the fathers escort the groom and the mothers escort the bride.[12]

The long retinues of all the family members and friends walking themselves has no basis in Torah ideas and is likely just a secular practice.

Why do people stand?

Outside of America, most people stand at the chuppa. This is as a function of the couple being like a king and queen.[13] The practice of sitting down at a chuppa and then standing for the retinue seems to be a secular custom prevalent in church weddings.

What can they not wear?

The custom is for them to both remove jewelry under the chuppa. This is like the Kohen gadol on Yom Kippur not wearing any gold as he entered the Kodesh Hakodashim. This also reflects the pattern of shrouds – we leave this world without anything. [14]

Why do some people hold candles?

There is an ancient custom for those escorting the bride and groom to hold candles. This dates back already to Tanach when Yirmiyahu describes weddings being with light.[15] This seemed to be the practice in the times of the Talmud as well.[16] It could be a reminder of the fire on Har Sinai when Israel and God were united in commitment.[17] It could also relate to the idea of the fire found in marriage: איש and אשה

What are the songs?

When the groom enters, he is welcomed with the words: בָּרוּךְ הַבָּא

Then a song is sung to welcome the groom:

עַל הַכֹּל, מִי בָּרוּךְ עַל הַכֹּל, מִי גָּדוֹל עַל הַכֹּל, מִי דָּגוּל עַל הַכֹּל, הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָּה.

When the bride enters, she is welcomed with the words: בְּרוּכָה הַבָּאָה

Then a song is sung to welcome the bride:

מִי בָּן שִׂחַ שׁוֹשַׁן חוֹחִים, אַהֲבַת כַּלָּה מְשׂוֹשׂ דּוֹדים. הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָּה.

The rose of the thorns represents the beauty which is found in a relationship through the times of abstinence and family purity.

Why does the bride walk around the groom?

The minhag is for the bride to walk around the groom seven times. One of the reasons for this is that the Talmud describes living without a wife like living without a wall.[18] She will create the house which will be a place of stability and protection in a complex world. She surrounds him in these circles. At the same time he give her the ring to encircle and protect her.[19]

How do they stand?

One decision that couples need to make it whether to face the crowd or face away. In truth, the Torah perspective does not deal with them facing to or away from the crowd. Halacha maintains that they should face East, and that the bride should be on the right of the groom.[20]

What is the first bracha for?

The bracha under the chuppa reads as follows:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגֶּפֶן:

Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Who creates the fruit of the vine.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו, וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הָעֲרָיוֹת, וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת הָאֲרוּסוֹת. וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶת הַנְּשׂוּאוֹת לָנוּ, עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, מְקַדֵּשׁ עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין:

Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us regarding forbidden sexual relationships and forbade to us betrothed women, and permitted to us [those women] who are married to us by means of the chupah and consecration. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Who sanctified His people Israel through the chupah and consecration.

This is a bracha on the enterprise of marriage as a whole. It emphasizes the importance of boundaries and the value of commitment. It also needs to be done in the presence of a minyan as part of ratifying the marriage.[21]

Why wine?

Wine always appears at times in life when we are elevating a physical experience into something holy and elevated.

What is the business with the ring?

The ring giving is an expression of the kiddushin/eirusin ceremony. It indicates the commitment of the couple to each other and is formalized by the groom giving the bride an item of value in the presence of witnesses. The practice has become to use a ring but a simple unadorned ring. This is partly so that it should be clear to the bride what she is accepting. Rings which have stones in them can seem expensive but in reality can be lower in value.[22] When he presents her the ring, he says the statement:

הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, בְּטַבַּעַת זוֹ, כְּדַת מֹשֶׁה וְיִשְׂרָאֵל:

You are hereby consecrated to me with this ring according to the rite of Moses and Israel.

The important part is the end which sit he fineprint for all that comes with that commitment. It also has 32 letters which is the numerical value of the Hebrew word – לב – heart.

What is the kesuba?

In the Torah, we learn about a financial gift provided from the groom to the bride at the time of the marriage. This was called ‘mohar.’[23]

The kesuba emerged in Torah law as a contract in which is documented the bilateral commitment of the couple to marriage and the responsibilities the husband has to his wife under Torah law. It also includes a financial responsibility in the case of the husband predeceasing or divorcing his wife. He or his estate would need to take care of her financially at that stage. This financial commitment is such that a formal lien is placed on the property of the groom from the time of the marriage so he would be responsible to pay from his real estate in the absence of liquid assets.[24] It also includes the formal recognizing of the assets both sides bring into the marriage.

Another aspect of the kesuba is that it reflects the marriage contact between Israel and Hashem at Matan Torah.

How much money is it worth?

There are 3 components to the financial commitment.

  1. The Torah describes this ‘mohar besulos’[25] which is 50 shekels.[26] These are sometimes called 200 zuz.
  2. In our standard kesuba for a first marriage the groom commits 100 silver pieces and for second marriage 50 silver pieces. These are called ‘zekukim kesef tzaruf.’
  3. Then there is ‘tosefes kesuba’ which is an additional 100 silver pieces which the groom agrees to add to the kesuba because of the money his bride brings into the marriage.

Most poskim understand that the biblical mohar of 50 shekels is included in the 200 silver pieces.[27] So in total, in a first marriage a groom commits to 200 silver pieces and in a second marriage a groom commits to 100 silver pieces (50 for the kesuba and 50 for the tosefes kesuba)

How much is a silver piece or zakuk? This is not a Talmudic measure and is subject to dispute:

  • R. Moshe Feinstein places it at 100 pounds of silver (or 1458.33 Troy ounces)
  • The Chazon Ish places it at 127 pounds of silver (or 1852.08 Troy ounces)

At the current price of silver which is around $25/Troy ounce, Rav Moshe would have the kesuba at $38,708.25 and the Chazon Ish at $46,302.

There are many other opinions as to the value of the kesuba. It is worth noting that today, the collection of the kesuba is less common because the primary financial significance of the kesuba was to prevent husbands just divorcing their wives on a whim, but since the ban of Rabbeinu Gershom in the 10th century in which he decreed that no husband can divorce his wife without her consent, the deterrence factor of the kesuba is moot.[28] When divorce disputes are resolved, there are financial commitments expected from both parties but those are usually resolved in Beis Din, and if not possible court.[29]

What remains deeply relevant to the kesuba is the ratifying of the bilateral acceptance of the relationship between man and woman and the responsibilities articulated in it that govern that relationship.

Must it be hand-written or is printed all right?

In certain communities, the custom was for the kesuba to be hand written, specially for the groom and bride at hand. In most communities, a printed kesuba is completely fine.

What is important to bear in mind when getting a kesuba?

There are 2 different routes people can go when it comes to the kesuba. Some pick a fill out kesuba, which is a kesuba which is a general template of the regular language and has spaces for names, dates and location. Such a kesuba can be very cheap and it can also be very expensive. Either way, the couple should ask the mesader kiddushin if he has any preferences about a specific text and buy the one which matches his dicretion and give it to him before the wedding as advised.

The other option is to have the kesuba hand written or have the fill in sections done with calligraphy to match the style of the kesuba. For this one usually fills out a form in the Judaica store or online which provides the details for the artist to fill in the kesuba. It is critical to ensure that the mesader kiddushin is involved in this stage of the preparation. There are halachik considerations about dating the kesuba, how the names and location are spelled, and it cannot be left to an artist to make those determinations.

How is the kesuba executed?

In the world of secular law, a signature is enough it execute a contract. In Halacha there are a number of the methods of executing a contact. The way that is employed by the kesuba is a kinyan chalipin, when the groom lifts a representative item (a pen, a handkerchief…) to acknoweledge his accepting the terms of the agreement. This is done in the presence of 2 Halachik witnesses who sign their names on the document. Their signatures execute the document.

In some Sephardic traditions, the groom also signs his name on the kesuba and also performs a handshake agreement.

What are other difference between the Ashkenazkin and Sephrardic kesuba?

At foundation, the basic difference is that the Ashkenazik kesuba assumes the contract of the kesuba is Biblical in nature and the Sephardik kesuba assumes it is Rabbinic in nature. This is reflected in the language used in the kesuba.

There are some Sephardik communities that have more elaborate additions. For examples, the kesuba includes financial commitments in the currency values of the local country. So, one will one kesubas which will include explicit numbers to today’s living standards like $18,000 or $25,000.

Some Sephardik tradition have additional sections. As an example, in some Morroccon traditions there is an additional paragraph which says:

והכל כפי המנהג והתנאי והתקנה שנהגו ושהתנו ושהתקינו להיות ביניהם קה"ק המגורשים מקאסטילייא ה׳ ינקום נקמתם ויחון ויחמול וירחם על שארית פליטתם השומר אמת לעולם מעתה ועד עולם

All of this is in accordance with the ordinances which were practiced by the expelled communities of Castille, God should avenge them and give them favor and pity and have mercy on their refugees. He who guards truth from now and forever.

Another additional paragraph includes (obviously reflecting the lack of some aspects of the Ban of Rabbeinu Gershom):

ונשבע החתן ס"ט בשבועה חמורה בתקיעת כף ובהזכרת השי"ת שלא ישא אשה אחרת עליה ושלא יוציאנה ממדינה זו למדינה אחרת אלא על פיה ורצונה. ואם ח"ו יעבור וישא אשה אחרת עליה או אם יוציאנה ממדינה זו למדינה אחרת שלא על פיה ורצונה שיפרע לה כל מה שהחזיק על עצמו ויפטור אותה בגט כשר לאלתר.

The groom takes a severe oath by handshake and mentioning God’s name that he will not marry another wife not move to another country without his wife’s express permission. If he does transgress and marry another women in addition to his wife or take her from the country without her permission, he will pay all he committed to her and give her a bill of divorce immediately.

In some Sephardik kesubas, additional titles and descriptions are added to the groom and his family and the bride and her family.

Why is it read at the chuppa?

This practice was first instituted by Rashi.[30] It provides a break between kiddushin and nissuim. But it also publicly reminds the husband his responsibilities to his wife.

What happens with the kesuba after it is read?

Being as the kesuba provides security to the marriage, it is forbidden for a couple to live together without it or without knowing where it is.[31] If a couple were ever to lose their kesuba, they would need to have a new one drawn up as soon as possible and they would not be able to live together until such time.[32] For the groom and bride, usually the kesuba is accepted by the bride, then given to her mother. The bride does not need to take it with her after the wedding right away, as long as she knows where it is.

Why are there sheva brachos under the chuppa?

The brachos under the chuppa are an integral part of the nissuim ceremony.[33] They also commemorate the 7 chuppos Hashem made for Adam and Chava at their marriage.[34]

They are as follows:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגֶּפֶן:

  1. Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Who creates the fruit of the vine.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהַכֹּל בָּרָא לִכְבוֹדוֹ:

  1. Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Who created everything for His glory.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם:

  1. Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Former of man.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמוֹ, בְּצֶלֶם דְמוּת תַּבְנִיתוֹ, וְהִתְקִין לוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ בִּנְיַן עֲדֵי עַד. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם:

  1. Blessed are You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe Who formed man (Adam) in His image, in the image of His likeness; and fashioned for him out of his very self a building (a wife: Eve) for eternity. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Former of Man.

שׂוֹשׂ תָּשִׂישׂ וְתָגֵל הָעֲקָרָה, בְּקִבּוּץ בָּנֶיהָ לְתוֹכָהּ בִּמְהֵרָה בְּשִׂמְחָה. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה מְשַׂמֵּחַ צִיּוֹן בְּבָנֶיהָ:

  1. May the barren one be happy and exult with the ingathering of her children into her midst with joy. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Who gladdens Zion through her children.

שַׂמֵּחַ תְּשַׂמַּח רֵעִים אֲהוּבִים כְּשַׂמֵּחֲךָ יְצִירְךָ בְּגַן עֵדֶן מִקֶּדֶם. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה מְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה:

  1. Grant abundant joy to these beloved companions, as You gladdened Your created being in the Garden of Eden of old. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Who gladdens groom and bride.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה, חָתָן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה רִנָּה, דִּיצָה וְחֶדְוָה, אַהֲבָה וְאַחְוָה, שָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת, מְהֵרָה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ יִשָּׁמַע בְּעָרֵי יְהוּדָה וּבְחוּצוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם, קוֹל שָׂשׂוֹן וְקוֹל שִׂמְחָה, קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כַּלָּה, קוֹל מִצְהֲלוֹת חֲתָנִים מֵחֻפָּתָם, וּנְעָרִים מִמִּשְׁתֵּה נְגִינָתָם, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה מְשַׂמֵּחַ הֶחָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה:

  1. Blessedare You, Adonoy, our God, King of the Universe, Who created happiness and joy, groom and bride, exultation, song, pleasure, delight, love, brotherhood, peace and companionship. Soon, Adonoy, our God, may there be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem the sound of happiness and the sound of joy, the sound of the groom and sound of the bride, the sound of grooms' jubilation from their chupah, and of the youths from their feasts of song. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Who gladdens the groom with the bride.

What are all those extra things I see at some weddings?

Sephardim sometimes add the bracha on spices.

German Jews recite Tehillim 128 under the chuppa.

How many kibbudin are there?

The list of kibbudim are as follows:

Eidim for Tenaiim

Alt.

Eidm for Kesuba

Reading Tenaim

Breaking the Plates

Mothers

Witnesses for the License

MC at Chuppa

Mesader Kiddushin

Eidei Kiddushin

Reading Kesuba

Brachos Under Chuppa

Alt. 1

Alt. 2

5.

6.

7.

Eidei Yichud

Zimun at Bensching

Sheva Brachos at Bensching

3.

4.

5.

6.

Is there a difference between who can get what?

Anyone with the title ‘Eid’ is a halachik witness and needs to be a man above 13 who is an observant Jew beyond reproach and is not related to the other eid or either of the 2 families.

Why do we mention Yerushalayim at the end?

The gemara[35] teaches that at times of great mirth, people get carried away and we need to be reminded that we are still in a world absent of Hashem’s full presence as expressed in the Mikdash. Thus the custom has developed for both the groom and bride to recite a remembrance about Yerushalayim from Tehillim 137 and for the groom to break a glass.

What is the cheder yichud for?

This is the last stage of the chuppa in which the couple are escorted with singing and music to a room in which they lock themselves away. This is the first time they are allowed to be secluded in such a way. It is a time they can eat together after their fast and spend together time before they get rushed back into the celebration. There should be witnesses ensuring that they are the only ones in the room and that they did not come out for 5-10 minutes.

  1. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 147:4

    הַשּׁוֹשְׁבִינִים מַלְבִּישִׁים אֶת הֶחָתָן בְּקִיטְל, כְּדֵי שֶׁיִזְכֹּר אֶת יוֹם הַמִּיתָה וְיִתְעוֹרֵר בִּתְשׁוּבָה. ↑

  2. Aruch Hashulchan 55:17

    ותכלית הכנות כל החופות שמרגע זו ואילך נכנסה לרשותו ומוכן להיות עמה כאיש ואשתו ↑

  3. Mishna Torah, Issurei Biah 22:3 ↑

  4. Tashbetz 461 ↑

  5. Taamei Haminhagim 963 ↑

  6. Tur, Even Haezer 61 ↑

  7. Aruch Hashulchan 55:18, Gra Even Haezer 55:9

    וא"כ במה ניכר שיצאה מרשות האב לרשות הבעל? לכן מעמידין החופה בחצר ביהכ"נ שהוא מקום של הקהל ובשעת החופה דעת הקהל להקנות קרקע זו לחתן זה, כמו אתרוג של הקהל שבשעת הברכה ביום ראשון של חג נחשב לכל אחד כשלו וכיון דעתה קרקע זו שלו נחשב כמביאה לרשותו [הגר"א], ↑

  8. Zohar 1:49a ↑

  9. Ramo YD 391:3 ↑

  10. Zohar 1:49a, Shaarim Metzuyanim Behalacha 174:9 ↑

  11. Bereishis Rabba 8:13 ↑

  12. Edus Leyisrael 8:7 ↑

  13. Beer Heitev 62:1 ↑

  14. Taamei Haminhagim 951 ↑

  15. Yirmiyahu 25:10

    וְהַאֲבַדְתִּ֣י מֵהֶ֗ם ק֤וֹל שָׂשׂוֹן֙ וְק֣וֹל שִׂמְחָ֔ה ק֥וֹל חָתָ֖ן וְק֣וֹל כַּלָּ֑ה ק֥וֹל רֵחַ֖יִם וְא֥וֹר נֵֽר׃

    And I will banish from them the sound of mirth and gladness, the voice of bridegroom and bride, and the sound of the mill and the light of the lamp. ↑

  16. TB Gittin 89a ↑

  17. Taamei Haminhagim 960 ↑

  18. TB Yevamos 62b

    בְּמַעְרְבָא אָמְרִי: בְּלֹא תּוֹרָה, בְּלֹא חוֹמָה. בְּלֹא תּוֹרָה, דִּכְתִיב: ״הַאִם אֵין עֶזְרָתִי בִי וְתוּשִׁיָּה נִדְּחָה מִמֶּנִּי״. בְּלֹא חוֹמָה, דִּכְתִיב: ״נְקֵבָה תְּסוֹבֵב גָּבֶר״.

    In the West, Eretz Yisrael, they say: One who lives without a wife is left without Torah, and without a wall of protection. He is without Torah, as it is written: “Is it that I have no help in me, and that sound wisdom is driven from me?” (Job 6:13), indicating that one who does not have a wife lacks sound wisdom, i.e., Torah. He is without a wall, as it is written: “A woman shall go round a man” (Jeremiah 31:22), similar to a protective wall. ↑

  19. Made in Heaven page 159 ↑

  20. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 147:5

    וּמַעֲמִידִין אוֹתוֹ פָּנָיו לַמִּזְרָח, וּשְּׁלִיחַ הַצִּבּוּר מְנַגֵּןכְּמִנְהַג הַמָּקוֹם, וְהַשּׁוֹשְׁבִינוֹת מוֹלִיכוֹת אֶת הַכַּלָּה, וְהַֹשּׁוֹשְׁבִינִים וַאֲנָֹשִים חֲֹשוּבִים הוֹלְכִים לִקְרָאתָהּ. וּכְשֶׁמִּתְקָרְבִים אֵלֶיהָ, חוֹזְרִים לַאֲחוֹרֵיהֶם לַחֻפָּה, וְהַֹשּׁוֹשְׁבִינוֹת מְבִיאוֹת אֶת הַכַּלָּה וּמְסוֹבְבוֹת עִמָּהּ שֶׁבַע פְּעָמִים אֶת הֶחָתָן, וּשְּׁלִיחַ הַצִּבּוּר מְנַגֵּן גַּם כֵּן כְּפִי הַמִּנְהָג. אַחַר כָּךְ מַעֲמִידִין אֶת הַכַּלָּה לִימִין הֶחָתָן, וְהַמְבָרֵךְ מְצַדֵּד אֶת עַצְמוֹ וּפָנָיו לַמִּזְרָח. ↑

  21. TB Kesubos 7b learned from Boaz and Ruth ↑

  22. Taamei Haminhagim 974 ↑

  23. Shmos 22:15

    אִם־מָאֵ֧ן יְמָאֵ֛ן אָבִ֖יהָ לְתִתָּ֣הּ ל֑וֹ כֶּ֣סֶף יִשְׁקֹ֔ל כְּמֹ֖הַר הַבְּתוּלֹֽת׃ ↑

  24. TB Kesubos 82b

    אָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה: בָּרִאשׁוֹנָה הָיוּ כּוֹתְבִין לִבְתוּלָה מָאתַיִם וּלְאַלְמָנָה מָנֶה, וְהָיוּ מַזְקִינִין וְלֹא הָיוּ נוֹשְׂאִין נָשִׁים, עַד שֶׁבָּא שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטַח וְתִיקֵּן, כׇּל נְכָסָיו אַחְרָאִין לִכְתוּבָּתָהּ. ↑

  25. Shmos 22:15 ↑

  26. Rashi, ad loc.

    כמהר הבתולת. שֶׁהוּא קָצוּב חֲמִשִּׁים כֶּסֶף אֵצֶל הַתּוֹפֵס אֶת הַבְּתוּלָה וְשׁוֹכֵב עִמָּהּ בְּאֹנֶס, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְנָתַן הָאִישׁ הַשֹּׁכֵב עִמָּהּ לַאֲבִי הַנַּעֲרָה חֲמִשִּׁים כָּסֶף (דברים כ"ב): ↑

  27. Beis Shmuel, Even Haezer 65:15 ↑

  28. Igros Moshe Even Haezer 4:92 ↑

  29. For more on this topic, see The Ketubah in America, R. Broyde, R. Reiss ↑

  30. Sefer Hayashar, Teshuvos 620, 621 ↑

  31. TB Kesubos 57a

    אֲחָתֵיהּ דְּרָמֵי בַּר חָמָא הֲוָת נְסִיבָא לְרַב אַוְיָא. אִירְכַס כְּתוּבְּתַהּ. אֲתוֹ לְקַמֵּיהּ דְּרַב יוֹסֵף, אֲמַר לְהוּ: הָכִי אָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר שְׁמוּאֵל: זוֹ דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי מֵאִיר.

    The Gemara relates: The sister of Rami bar Ḥama was married to Rav Avya. Her marriage contract was lost, and the woman and her husband came before Rav Yosef to ask what they should do. He said to them: This is what Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: That ruling, that if someone reduces his wife’s marriage contract by even a small amount, their marriage amounts to licentious sexual intercourse, is the statement of Rabbi Meir. According to that opinion, the husband and wife were forbidden to each other because she was not in possession of a valid marriage contract. ↑

  32. TB Kesubos 56a, Shulchan Aruch EH 66:3 ↑

  33. TB Kesubos 7b, Rashi; Meseches Kallah 1:1 ↑

  34. Taamei Haminhagim 971 ↑

  35. TB Brachos 31a

    רַב אָשֵׁי עֲבַד הִילּוּלָא לִבְרֵיהּ, חֲזַנְהוּ לְרַבָּנַן דַּהֲווֹ קָא בָדְחִי טוּבָא. אַיְּיתִי כָּסָא דְּזוּגִּיתָא חִיוָּרְתָּא, וְתַבַּר קַמַּיְהוּ, וְאִעֲצִיבוּ.

    The Gemara also relates: Rav Ashi made a wedding feast for his son and he saw the Sages, who were excessively joyous. He brought a cup of extremely valuable white glass and broke it before them, and they became sad. ↑